I've Hated This Business

REBECCA RAUSCH
Jan 1
4 min read

I've questioned owning this business almost every day since I started it.

I've fed it doubts and repeatedly told myself it wasn't unique enough, big enough, profitable enough.

I allowed the weight of payroll, overhead, and market shifts to convince me that I'm not cut out for this—that success was meant for someone else, not me.

I allowed it to consume me. Sleepless nights became normal. The pressure of being "the face" of everything stole my weekends, my relationships, my peace.

I've watched my bank account dwindle, waiting for invoices to clear. I've scrambled to pay employees while my own salary sat in limbo. I've felt the suffocating grip of a failed campaign—the one I bet everything on, the one that was supposed to change the dynamic of everything.

Although I couldn't control the economy, shifting algorithms, or clients ghosting after proposals, I watched myself doggedly show up anyway. Day after grinding day. Answering emails at midnight. Pivoting strategies on a dime. Smiling through networking events while my insides screamed with imposter syndrome.

I have been paralyzed by the brutal question: What if I'm not enough to make this work?

You can judge this business, or not, but if you're a client, a partner, or part of this team, I will fiercely protect what we're building. I know how good it is and the heart behind it all.

We've had campaigns flop and website tweaks that went sideways. We were sometimes too proud to ask for help. Our fear of looking weak kept us limping forward in isolation.

This company has a stubborn streak and scars from risky decisions. It has pivoted so many times I've lost count, but we always came back to our passion: being a quality design and marketing service — dependable, creative, honest, focused... so our clients could relax. It has secrets: near-bankruptcy moments no one saw, proposals rejected without explanation, investments that tanked. Tears have been shed.

But this business has also done something remarkable.

Every setback, cash flow crisis, hiring mistake, pandemic shutdown, and hard-won victory shaped it into what it is today. We've grown. We've learned. We've perfected our processes. We are better than we ever were, because of it all.

Some people love this business. We have so many clients who support it and sing its praises. I'm sure the competition wishes us to fail. That's ok. We're not here for them.

We will not pretend to be a corporate giant. We will not apologize for being small but mighty. We will not dim our vision to make others comfortable. We stared down looming failure and didn't blink. Why? Because we knew we were meant for bigger things.

Then Something Shifted

I stopped trying to do it all alone.

I found a partner who understood cash flow panic, project management, design, and has a voice of reason to talk me off the ledge when times get sketchy. Together, we've curated a crack team whose work stands up against companies five times our size.

I hired a sales director who wholeheartedly believed in our work and ethics. A fellow visionary who rolled up his sleeves on day one and said, "Let's figure this out together."

I found a CEO peer group where I could say "I'm drowning" without judgment—and others nodded because they'd been there too.

I networked, not for leads, but for lifelines. I found vendors who became collaborators. Mentors who'd survived what I was facing. Business owners who shared the unfiltered truth about what it really takes.

I invested in systems—CRM software that actually worked, automated workflows that gave me hours back, dashboards that let me see the business clearly instead of guessing in the dark. I began to breathe.

I let go of draining clients. I raised my prices to match our value. I said no to opportunities that didn't align with our values. I stopped being scared to declare how great my team is and started doubling down on the fact that we are exactly the partner our ideal clients need. We are a different kind of agency, because we care more for the client than the budget.

And slowly, agonizingly, beautifully—it started to click.

The metrics stabilized. The marketing found its rhythm. The team gelled. The cash flow evened out. The vision clarified.

We weren't just surviving anymore. We were leading.

This Business Is a Warrior

A WARRIOR. A SURVIVOR. A BUILDER.

We have learned this company is more than viable, it is unique. It has earned every stripe. It deserves the clients, the revenue, and the impact it dreams of creating.

It helps small startups and mid-sized businesses capture their essence and share themselves through innovative and authentic marketing. It reminds people to give back to the world.

It is UNSTOPPABLE.

This business is...

Beautifully Scarred,

But Powerfully Standing.

Shout out to every business owner who identifies with this journey. Who has felt the crushing weight of responsibility, the isolation of leadership, the terror of failure—and chose to show up anyway. Who asked for help. Who built a tribe. Who refused to quit.

Build your network. Find your advisors, your marketing partner, your peer group, your coach. Invest in the systems that let you lead, not just survive.

Because your business isn't just you, or even about revenue.

It's about the impact you're meant to make—and you can't do it alone.

Rebecca Rausch Founder, Neon Lizard Creative

*Disclaimer: Woman in header is AI and is definitely not Rebecca!

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